Count Your Blessings

This week, we sold our crib.  Nash decided a few weeks ago that he was going to claim the bottom bunk and no longer sleep in his baby bed.  We kept the crib around awhile just to make sure he was really done with it, but there was no going back.

Of course, this made me nostalgic and I went through my kids' baby pictures...

I remember Owen's bug room, and when I had excitedly filled up my baby registry with all of the matching pieces and stenciled the walls to match and how he loved his crib and would practically dive for it when he was tired.

I remember how much fun it was to have two babies, and how Emerson's crib wasn't just for sleeping, but for playing, too.

I remember when I'd go in to get Greyson after a nap and he'd just be there smiling, waiting for me to scoop him up and carry him downstairs.

I remember when Alayna could roll from her back to her belly, but not from her belly to her back, and we'd have to sneak in and roll her over once she was asleep.

I remember when Nash was tiny and everything had to be just right for him to sleep: a tight swaddle, and a fuzzy covered Boppy, and his favorite knitted blanket on top.

I remember the funny times, where babies could get into a sitting position, but hadn't figured out how to get out of a sitting position and we'd find them asleep practically folded in half.

I remember nights where Nash would insist on wearing a fishing vest and hat to sleep, or his new boots because he would miss them if he had to go all night without them.

I remember Greyson sneaking into Alayna's crib to give her kisses at nap time.

I remember Nash's fuzzy morning head, as he stood there and waited for me to get him out of bed.

And I remember just the sweet picture of a sleeping, content baby.

Parting with this piece of babyhood was hard for me, much like going through kids' clothes and determining which pieces no longer fit.  I go through that process about three times every year, and every time it gets to me. I sit on the floor in the bedroom and box up the things that are completely outgrown and I donate them.  But there are always a few things that I just can't give up.  A frilly dress that I saw my girls twirl a hundred times in, or a t-shirt that all three boys wore with endless memories attached to it.  These things I tuck away and keep-tiny little things that don't mean anything to anyone but me.

So when someone answered the Craigslist ad, I was a little depressed.  I was feeling sad that this part of motherhood for me was over.  And then the man came to pick it up.  The 25 year old man who didn't blink an eye at the price-he just needed a crib TODAY-because he was gaining custody of his two children because the new boyfriend of the mother of these two children had physically abused them.

And then I felt completely awful.  Here I was wallowing in my own selfish self-pity about my children growing up, and this man was going through something no one should have to go through, hoping his children actually got the chance to grow up.  Some days are just hard.

I know as parents, we all try to do our very best for our children.  We give them love and attention, and we are their teachers and their counselors and their lighthouses.  We encourage them to explore, and imagine and we dream great things for their futures.

It's very easy to get caught up in the hustle of everyday life-to go through the motions and just try to survive each week as it comes.  Even as I sit here, my mind is going in a hundred different directions, planning the upcoming week.  But on occasion, it's good to take a step back and focus on what's important and live in the moment.  You'll never regret leaving work an hour early to see the start of your son's baseball game.  You'll never regret that your kids missed out on 30 minutes of sleep because you decided your family needed a walk around the subdivision in their pajamas before bed. You'll never regret the time you give your children, and they will never forget it.

The next time I feel sad that my children are growing up or growing too quickly, I will remember this day.  I will count my blessings and give thanks that there are MANY.