Monday, July 8, 2013

Alayna is Four

57 months ago, I held this in my hands:  photo 10-31digi_zps637c0cc3.jpg

55 months ago, I held this first picture of the baby growing inside of me:
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52 months ago, I held this picture of my daughter:
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 48 months ago, the day had finally arrived; the day I would finally get to hold her in my arms, and not just in my belly.
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It was a Monday. I was scheduled for an induction, a week before my due date.

After arriving at the hospital in the morning, I was hooked up to the machines, and I waited. In the afternoon, the contractions were strong and consistent and the on-call doctor came to break my water.

Things changed almost instantly. I wasn't surprised when they checked me and I was seven centimeters dilated. I told them to call my doctor, as I had had two very fast deliveries in the past. (You can read about them here and here.)

They smiled and nodded and basically ignored me. And then, it was time. For real. I asked to be checked again. I was ten centimeters dilated and she was coming. Quickly. They told me that my doctor was on her way, FROM THE OFFICE.

Really? This was happening again?

Don't push, they said. Just breathe, they said.

So there I was, breathing through contractions, holding back the intense desire to push, again. There I was, cursing the nurses for not listening to me, again. There I was waiting, again.

Somehow, finally, the doctor appeared.

And just like that, she was here.
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A tiny, bald, beautiful baby girl. Alayna.
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The little sister Emerson had been waiting for.
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***

The next 36 months turned out to be quite a roller coaster. There was a broken leg, a move to Tennessee, a move to Ohio. Through it all, Alayna was Alayna. Although shy upon first meeting, she'll quickly warm up to you and hit you with her infectious laugh. And that hair?  That hair turns heads everywhere we go.
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The last 12 months have been spent living in Ohio, but with frequent trips to Michigan and a spring trip to Florida. She had her first day of preschool, enjoyed dressing as a bumblebee for Halloween, caught her first fish, debuted her first pair of glasses, and became a big sister to Nash.  No matter where she is, or what she is doing, Alayna is a character.

July
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August
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September
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October
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November
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December
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January
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February
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March
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April
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May
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June
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July
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She turned four over the weekend. When I asked her what she wanted for her birthday, she answered right away: A penguin. A real, live penguin. And then she added that she'd also like a watermelon, with a knife to cut it. She is quite sensible.

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Alayna has always been a Mama's girl. If I'm cooking in the kitchen, she's on the counter helping me. If I'm changing a diaper, she's there next to me, ready to assist, if needed.  If I'm painting my nails, she's there, waiting to have her nails painted, too.  If I sneak away to take a bath, somehow she's there, stripping down to jump right in. While I enjoy my alone time, I enjoy my time with her, as well. I know that soon enough she'll be too busy and too "cool" to hang out with Mom. So, I'm taking what I can get, as long as she'll give it to me.
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Happy 4th Birthday, baby girl.  Mama loves you.









Thursday, April 25, 2013

From Seven to Eight

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When you look at that picture, what do you see?

Maybe you see the smile with missing teeth. Maybe you see the colored feathers in her hair. Maybe you see the sandy beach. Maybe you see the silver necklace.

Every picture has a story.

When I look at a picture that I've taken, I see more than the faces, or the accessories, or the surroundings. Every picture I take tells a little bit about where I've been. It's not just about what's IN the picture, it's also about HOW the picture came to be.

That picture above is my oldest daughter, Emerson. Maybe you glanced at it and thought, "Cute girl." But when I look at that picture, I see a story...


It was May, in Tennessee. The day was overcast, with only a peek of sunshine from time to time, but it was hot. I had only a couple of weeks before our move to Ohio, and I probably should have been packing boxes. Instead, I packed lunches, and sunscreen, and towels, and shovels and buckets and kids. That beach was an hour from home but worth the drive. It was a laid back day, filled with swimming and lounging and rock collecting and sand castle building.

And there was a photo shoot.

That picture at the top? That was one of twenty-five photos I took of Emerson in a span of about three minutes. Think Madonna, in "Vogue". Pose, click. Pose, click. Pose, click...

I've never had trouble getting Emerson to smile for the camera. But to have her want to smile for the camera hasn't always been the case. There was a time, not so long ago, when she was shy-painfully shy-and not just in front of the camera. Sure, from age seven to age eight she has grown in size, but her emotional growth this year has been tremendous. Some people might think all of the moving we have done in the last few years would be a detriment to developing friendships for the kids, but Emerson has embraced it. Somehow, she always seems to find herself in the center of it all.

With new friends in the neighborhood...
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And with MORE friends in the neighborhood...
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With family and friends at the pool...
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With her Brownie Troop at a tea party...
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With school friends at the Daddy/Daughter Dance...
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If she ever runs out of friends? There is MORE than enough family to go around.

With cousins at the cabin...
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With MORE cousins at the cabin...
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With a cousin she gets to see quite often...
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And with a cousin she doesn't see often enough...
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And if the friends run out and the family is too far away? Well, there is plenty of entertainment to be found in our own little family.

From the big brother...
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To the little sister...
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There is always someone waiting to play...
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I take a lot of pictures, more than a thousand per month. There are pictures of smiles, and frowns, and tears, and laughter, and silliness, and sleepiness. Each one tells its own story.

The story behind this final picture? It's on a new beach, in a new state, with a new photo shoot. It's a story of triumph. It's not just about Emerson surviving the past year, it's about how she conquered the last year.


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Happy 8th Birthday, Emerson!
 

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Celebrate: The Birth of Nash

In May, 2012, we were living in Tennessee, preparing to move to Ohio.  Content with our family of six, we sold the last of our baby items.

I should have known.

At the end of June, I found out I was pregnant.  Not just pregnant, but FOUR MONTHS pregnant.  And do you know how I found out I was pregnant?  I felt it move.

You're probably wondering HOW, after having four other children, I could have not known.  I could blame it on the stress of the move, or the exercise plan I was on, or any number of things.  The point is, in five short months, we'd be adding a fifth child to our family.

After keeping the pregnancy a secret for a couple of weeks, we went for our first ultrasound, which was also our full anatomy scan and where we'd find out the gender of our baby.  So, when we announced the pregnancy to our families and to the rest of the world, we also happily announced, "It's a BOY!"

After finally convincing everyone that yes, we were pregnant, and no, we weren't joking, we realized we had roughly half of a pregnancy to prepare ourselves and our home for a new little one.

Thankfully, between our family and some fabulous new neighbors, we were able to borrow everything from clothes to baby gear.  Of course, I picked up a few adorable outfits and items along the way.  We also bought a crib, which would replace a dresser in the guest bedroom.

~ ~ ~

My due date was set for November 26, a Monday.  Beginning at 36 weeks, I started to slowly dilate, and by 37 weeks, I was 3 centimeters dilated and 50-75% effaced.  My doctor told me that I wouldn't have long to wait.

My 38th week came, and went.
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And then the 39th week: Thanksgiving.  Still nothing.  My parents decided to drive down for Thanksgiving dinner and planned to stay until I had the baby.  I tried everything to get that boy out.  I walked, ate spicy food, walked, drank castor oil, walked and walked some more.

40 Week Belly Shot:
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On Monday, the 26th, my due date, I went to the doctor.  I had an ultrasound that morning and was told baby was face up-not the way you'd like to deliver a baby.  (Please refer to the birth of Greyson here.)  The doc checked me and told me nothing had changed and I promptly asked him to do a membrane sweep.  (If you don't know what a membrane sweep is, you probably don't want to know.)  He agreed to the sweep but told me it most likely wouldn't help much because the baby's head was too high.  Then he asked me to come to his office to schedule an induction for the FOLLOWING MONDAY IN CASE I HADN'T DELIVERED.

I was crushed.  I was miserable and had been for quite some time, and the thought of being pregnant for one more day, let alone another WEEK, was more than I could bear.  I went home and walked again. I didn't have a single contraction on that walk.  For WEEKS I'd had contractions on and off and now that I actually needed them, they were gone.  My birthday was coming in four days.  I remember joking with people months prior, that there was NO way I'd still be pregnant on my birthday.  And now, that's exactly what I was facing, and I had no control over the situation.

I returned home, ate dinner, took a bath, and got ready for bed.  Still, not a single contraction.  I used the bathroom one last time that night and noticed some light spotting.  I wasn't hopeful-I thought it was just the result of the membrane sweep in the office earlier that day.  I texted my sister, who was planning on being at the hospital for the birth, but told her not to come yet-I felt nothing.

At 12:30am, I got up to use the bathroom, AGAIN.  And again, there was a little spotting.  I still felt nothing.  I got back into bed, laying on my right side.  I rolled to my left side and felt the baby roll with me-something I hadn't felt before.  And then, BOOM.  A contraction.  A real contraction.  It was 12:40am.  Between the flip that the baby had just done and that single contraction, I knew it was go-time. 

I decided to time a few contractions before I woke anyone up:

12:47
12:56
1:07
1:13
1:20
1:30
1:44
1:54

They weren't stopping, and they HURT.  Time to wake up Jason.

Me: J-wake up.  It's time.
J: Time?  Time for what?  How do you know?
Me: Because I KNOW. 

2:04
2:14

The contractions were getting more painful.  I wanted to call the doctor.  Time to wake up my parents.

2:19
2:23

All of a sudden, the contractions went from ten minutes apart to five minutes apart.  Time to call the doctor.  

2:27
2:31
2:33

SHIT.  Contractions two minutes apart.  GET IN THE CAR.

2:35
2:38
2:40

Speeding slightly.
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2:43
2:45

No longer stopping at stop signs.

2:49
2:53
2:56

Finally, we arrive at the hospital.  I walk in and someone offers me a wheelchair.  I take it.  We check in through Emergency and are told someone would be down shortly to take me up to Labor and Delivery.  After the longest fifteen minutes OF MY LIFE, a nurse comes and whisks me up to Triage in Labor and Delivery.  In between contractions, I slip into my hospital gown and get into bed.  The nurse returns, asking me basic questions about my pregnancy-all the routine things.  When she asks me what number baby this is and I tell her number five, she gives me a funny look and tells me she's going to check me.  As she's preparing, she casually asks if I'd like an epidural, to which I respond, YES.  Two seconds later she tells me I am six centimeters dilated.  I knew at that point, with my history of deliveries, that there would be no epidural.

Suddenly, things shifted into high gear.  She was calling for help to get me into a room.  I told Jason to tell my parents that if they wanted to be at the hospital for the birth, they needed to get there. I also knew that my sister would never make it in time.  My contractions were changing.  My pain went from belly-tightening, squeezing pain to IT-WANTS-TO-GET-OUT pain.  I knew that if the nurse did not get me to a delivery room very soon, I'd be "the poor woman who delivered her baby in triage", and I really didn't want to be THAT woman.

Finally, another nurse came in and we were off to the races.  Down the hall and around the corner and I was in a delivery room-the room where I'd meet my baby.  And he was ready to meet me.  In fact, he was in a great big hurry to meet me.

My doctor hadn't arrived yet, so there was an on-call doctor in the room.  I knew the pressure I was having meant that it wouldn't be long.  I told the doctor that I had a history of fast labors.  I also told two nurses.  They all looked at me with the "Sure, honey" look I had seen several times before.  He decided to check me, mostly to appease me, and announced that I was nine centimeters.  As soon as he was finished, I told the ENTIRE ROOM that he was COMING OUT.  They told me that he wasn't-that I was only nine centimeters.  Just breathe, they said.  Your doctor isn't here yet, they said.  I may or may not have screamed that I did not CARE if my doctor was there and that the baby was coming OUT.  (At this point, my parents showed up.  They made it just in time.)  Again, the entire room told me to relax and slow my breathing and AGAIN I told them that he was coming OUT.  I was pushing, involuntarily, and I couldn't stop.  I kept wondering why no one was listening to me.  I told them that I was pushing-that I couldn't help it-that he was coming out. A nurse raised the sheet to take a peek and announced, "he's coming out!"

From out of nowhere, my doctor appeared.  As soon as I saw her at the foot of the bed, I pushed.  HARD.  Words cannot describe the pain.  I've heard people speak of a burning sensation, a ring of fire.  Let me tell you, it was worse than that.  BOWLING BALL comes to mind.  And many, many curse words come to mind.

But then, through the pain, he emerged.  It was 4:03am.  He was quickly taken to the warmer where he was checked out and cleaned up.  I waited, anxiously, to hold my little boy, Nash Culver Martin.  Soon, he was in my arms.  A tiny bundle, weighing seven pounds, twelve ounces, and measuring nineteen and a half inches long.
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And he was beautiful.
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~ ~ ~

Many birth stories end here, at the birth.  This one doesn't.  There's more to this story.  I debated over whether I should include this chapter, but it needs to be told.

I required a few stitches after the birth, which was expected.  And there was some bleeding, which was expected.  But then there was more bleeding.  Enough bleeding to bring two doctors back into my room to stop the bleeding.  After some very painful minutes, they were confident the bleeding was under control.  And then, twenty minutes later, I felt a gush.  No, more than a gush.  Billowing.  That's what I felt.  Blood, billowing out of me.  I knew this was bad-very bad.  I told the nurse.  The doctors returned.  My blood pressure dropped to 50/25.  Noises were muffled in my ears and I was blacking out.  I was trying very hard to stay awake.  I looked at Jason and told him I would be okay, but I wasn't so sure.  They couldn't make the bleeding stop.  There were shots going in my legs and IVs going in my arms and medicines being administered and still, they couldn't make it stop.  

I remember alarms sounding and being wheeled down the hallway to an operating room.  There were bright lights and loud noises and many people going in every direction.  I was crying.  My doctor was holding my hand, while the anesthesiologist put a mask over my face.  He was calm and he smelled good, like cologne.  He was talking, and I don't know what he was saying, but I didn't want him to stop talking.  I was terrified. 

And then it was over.  I was awake.  I was alive.  Jason was with me.  My sister had arrived while I was in surgery and she was with the baby.  All I wanted was to hold him and feed him and not be away from him.  It had been over five hours since he had been born.  I missed his first feeding.  I missed his first bath.  I missed those first snuggles.
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After an hour in recovery, I was wheeled back to my room.  I was exhausted, but I wanted my baby.  I finally got those baby snuggles, and I couldn't wait for his brothers and sisters to meet him.  Nana and Grandpa brought them to the hospital as soon as school was over.
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I'd have to chalk that up as one of the best moments in my life: Owen, Emerson, Greyson and Alayna meeting Nash.
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The next morning, my doctor came in to check on me.  And to have a serious discussion.  I knew I had lost a lot of blood; I didn't know HOW much until then.  I had lost half of the blood in my body.  And, frankly, that's how I felt: half-full.  He recommended that I have a blood transfusion.  There was a lengthy discussion, weighing the pros and cons, and in the end, I decided to have the transfusion.  Over a period of eight hours that day, I was given two VERY full bags of blood.  Even with all of that blood, they warned me that it would take many weeks to feel back to normal again, but without it, it would take months.

I was discharged from the hospital the very next day-on my birthday.  I came home to decorations and cake and gifts and family and it was good.

Things quickly got back to normal around here, and even after just a few weeks, it's hard to imagine life without Nash.
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He's had his first Christmas.
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He's had his first smile.
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He's had more road trips than I can count.
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He sleeps a lot,
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he loves to be swaddled,
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 and I can't get enough of him.
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Growing up, my birthday celebrations were shared with my Grampy, who was born on November 27th.  Now I have a new man in my life to celebrate my birthday with, and that's what I plan to do:

Celebrate.
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