This is the Life

See that house?  My family has lived there for generations.  That house is the perfect place to raise a family.  It's almost like it was made just for us.  There are secret nooks and crannies, and tunnels leading to places the light never reaches, and so many ways to get in and out!  At nighttime, when things get dark and quiet, we used to sneak out and search for treasures: a piece of popcorn, a crust of bread.  Sometimes we'd get really lucky and find an entire pie waiting for us!  We'd gather our finds and take them back to our home.  We really did have the most amazing accommodations-more insulation and shag carpet than a guy knew what to do with!  And the tiny cracks in the roof let in just enough rain that we never even had to leave to get a drink of water.

Then, about a year and a half ago, something changed.  The house was quiet-all the time.  Food became scarce, even in the light of day.  Our scavenging trips into the big rooms left us empty-handed and left our bellies rumbling.  We knew what we had to do.  We had to go outside to look for food.  At first the task seemed daunting, but we quickly learned that the old barn was a great place to find seeds and other treasures.

 We also made great friendships with some local frogs!  And once in a while, we'd venture to the neighbors' houses to look through their giant cans, and stumble home with our bellies stuffed with huge amounts of food.  The big old house was still our home, though, and we enjoyed every square foot of it. We had so many children and there was SO much room for everyone to spread out!

In the fall of last year, things changed again.  The house suddenly became alive.  There were giants-lots of them.  They were loud.  And there were so many of them.  And they brought a lot of food with them.  Our prayers had been answered!  Plus, the smaller giants were kind of messy, and sometimes they just left big bowls of crackers and chips out for us, so we didn't even have to chew through the packages to get to the good stuff.

Our friends, the ants, loved these new giants, too.  They could smell one tiny drip of syrup from miles away and would quickly round up all of their ant friends and have such a feast!

Slowly, I started to get the feeling that these new giants weren't too fond of my family and me.  First, they started keeping all of their delicious snacks in huge bins we couldn't get into.  They also started setting out those ridiculous traps with peanut butter on them, but after the "Peanut Butter Incident" of 1977, we don't fall for peanut butter anymore.

But then, those giants got smarter.  They started leaving out these black sticky trays.  I guess we just couldn't resist them, because as soon as you touched one foot onto one of those things, you were a goner.  They also stopped using peanut butter in those snapping traps and started using oatmeal cream pies.  I like to think those children of mine had a wonderful last meal before they received their deadly snaps.

And then there were the white sticky sheets.  These things were a little tricky.  Yes, they'd get you good and stuck, but with time and patience, many of us were able to chew that sticky paper and free ourselves.  Silly giants.

One time, one of the kids was missing for a really long time.  I heard it took Mama Giant over  week to find him, but when she finally discovered that the disgusting smell of decay was coming from her blender, where my son had climbed in to explore but couldn't quite climb back out, it wasn't a pretty scene for any of us.

Late last fall, the giants were enjoying one of their many fires in the fireplace, and snacking on pita chips and hummus.  One of my daughters was lurking in the shadows, waiting for the giants to carelessly drop a few crumbs for her to gather up.  She tried to sneak to the far side of the room to get a better view, but Papa Giant saw her!  He grabbed an andiron from the edge of the fireplace and started chasing her.  Around the room they went, over and over. And then she scooted to the dining room, but there was nowhere to hide! As he was closing in on her, she darted into the kitchen and hid between the cabinet and Papa's lunch cooler.  She thought he hadn't seen her, but he had.  With one swift motion, he slammed the cooler into the cabinet and squished my daughter.

Papa Giant had gone too far this time.  We had to leave.  But where would we go?  We couldn't go into the corn fields-the farmers would be harvesting soon.

And we had heard the giants discussing the take-down of the big old barn, so that wasn't a good option either.  In retrospect, our decision to not reside in the barn was a good one, as the giants took the barn down just a few weeks ago.  That would have been devastating to endure with my family!

One day, my wife came home with splendid news: she was expecting a new litter, AND she had found the perfect place to raise them.  I prepared for the big move, and was pleasantly surprised to find that our new home was just across the road!  It really was perfect.  It sheltered the wind, and warmed us when the sun was shining, there were tons of cattails to use for our bedding, and every day a nice lady supplied us with papers and packages and envelopes.

We loved the days the giants forgot to come out to our house to pick up their mail.  We feasted.  We ate letters and bills and boxes and magazines and Christmas cards and packages.  Everything that sweet lady delivered to us was a treasure.

 Some days, the giants would be very angry with us for eating THEIR mail.  These days were very scary.  The smaller giants would come out to our house with a big stick and chase us away and clear out all of our bedding!  How mean!

But these were just minor setbacks, and we always had our nests back to normal by the next day.

When the winter came, the little house didn't keep us quite warm enough, so we hitched a ride with a friendly deer to our secret winter hideaway where no one could find us.  I bet those giants thought we were gone for good!

It was a long three months for us, and when the weather started to warm up we surprised the giants with our return by munching on their newspaper before they could get to it.

I think the giants have finally accepted that we are here for the long haul. They recently let their mail pile up for a whole week!  It was a magnificent smorgasbord, and perfect timing, too.  My wife gave birth to a brand new litter that week, and they were able to sleep like kings and queens on all of that bedding!

I think our mail lady is happy we are back, too.  She shoves the papers and envelopes in extra-far these days, so we don't even have to leave our cozy nest to munch on them.  We even "opened" a few important letters for the giants!

Rumor has it, the giants are planning some more home renovations.  Since they are so tolerant of us now,  I'm sure they won't mind if we sneak in through a few holes and open doors and take a peek around!